Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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