I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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