end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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