We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
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You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
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pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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