remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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