Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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