I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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