every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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