even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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