I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
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He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
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