plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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