Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
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After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
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I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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