a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize