I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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