i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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