Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
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i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
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Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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