She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
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He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
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I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
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