i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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