6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
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So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
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You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
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