he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want nice things and good sex
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
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