but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
It's Friday. Sex?
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
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My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
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I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
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