I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize