Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
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And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
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He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
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