I accidentally had phone sex last night
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
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