dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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