i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
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Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
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I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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