i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Randomize