made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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