You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize