mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Randomize