I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
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