Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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