can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
You had me at "let me see your balls"
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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