i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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