im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
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Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I deserve this hangover.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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