I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
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