I saw his package. It spoke to me.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize