I hate your face
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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