I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
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