I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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