How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
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He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
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Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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