I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
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Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
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I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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