thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
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She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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