My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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