The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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