she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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