DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
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Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
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Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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