You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
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I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
i drank out of a bidet.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
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I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
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