Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
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There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I wish there were birth control emojis
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Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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