i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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